what rhymes with chaos?

CARAVAGGIO. ORWELL. ABORTION. XBOX.

I had an abortion this week. I was halfway through my follow up novel (for adults at least, my kids book is done and dusted) when I made the difficult decision to prematurely end its life. It was entitled Junk Quay: A Modern Ghost Story. Basically it was a story about blues music and quantum mechanics. This guy featured pretty heavily:

So far I haven't had any christian fundamentalists at my door, but I'm keeping plenty of death metal albums, gay porn and hardmount prints of Piss Christ on hand to ward them off if neccessary. The good news is that this has given me the chance to dive straight into my next book which I was much more excited about anyway. Expect God in a Coma to hit shelves sometime before the end of the world.

Lately I've been accused by many people, my girlfriend among them, of being a self-promotion whore. I justify this by the fact that this is my first art baby. I'm a bit like that annoying friend you have who's just had their first kid and starts working it into every single conversation you have with them by the most implusible segue imaginable:

You: Hey, have you read Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart? I think, for me, it epitomises the pinnacle of African literature and perfectly encapsulates the feeling of fear and confusion that faces a ancient culture dealing with the plague of European colonisation.

Them: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PHOTO OF MY BABY???

You: Uh...yeah I think you should me one last week...

Them: Oh! That was when he was three months and THREE days. This is him at three months and SIX days! Doesn't he look so grown up! Look at the way he's looking at that Caravaggio print on the wall, I think he really has a basic grasp on critiquing and appreciation Baroque era Chiaroscuro painting!

"waaaah! Caravaggio's excessive use of shadows
exemplifying chiarsocuro painting displeases me! I'm having a pre-naptime existential crisis!"

In any case, it's only two weeks until the Australian release of A Beginner's Guide to Dying in India and in preparation I've been drinking too much and spending an unhealthy amount of time playing xbox, much like my literary heores George Orwell and Anthony Burgess did before the release of their respective masterpieces.

    "I pwned yr droids with my l33t skillz!"

I've been asked if I'll sign copies when it is released. People, seriously, I will lick, bless, baptise and sign in my own blood any copy you want to obtain in exchange for your not very hard earned cash. 

People outside of Os-Tray-Lee-Arg can already get it here: AMAZON.COM:http://is.gd/4EcCk or here:THE BOOK DEPOSITORY (UK/EUROPE): http://is.gd/4EbWt

Both stores ship anywhere in the world except Sarah Palin's house. Plus they have heaps of other amazing books like the Bell Jar and Of Mice and Men that TV characters sometimes mention in a very obvious and unnatural way when the lazy script writer is trying to make them appear educated in the space of the few minutes of content between coke commercials.

If you write a review for me I will be forever in your debt. Seriously I'll give you a kidney or something. It may not be MY kidney, but nevertheless...

350 PROJECT

        The art of writing is by its very nature hermetic. It’s one of the few jobs in the world where being a depressed, introverted alcoholic may actually be of assistance. Well, that and claims adjusting perhaps.

  +  + x =

  this is a summation of everything I learnt in 3 years of studying literature.

    In any case, as much as I love being cloistered away in my literary lair accompanied by only the dull blue glow of my laptop, a near infinite supply of mi goreng and the sounds of the dirty three, I do occasionally need to venture outside into the great wide world with its billboards, traffic jams, ikea stores and balloon boy hoaxes.    

    In the last two years I've busied myself with the chalk project, and the 4C arts collective and I’m working on a new abandoned building project. In the interrum I decided to assist my incredible friend, Anna; (the only person I know who is a brilliant scientist, environmental activist AND artist), with her 350 project.

      Anna stitched up these patches which a few of us then covertly distributed around Paddington in the dead of night. Okay, it was more like half nine, but seriously, graffiti artists take note: Paddington at 9.30 on a Monday is like Rupert Murdoch’s conscience; completely silent.

The genius of using these patches is that they are not only incredibly eye catching and made from recycled material but they also cause no permanent damage to property. We really didn’t have to worry about police presence because although we didn’t exactly write to Campbell can’t-fucking-do-anything-right Newman for permission, I doubt we would have had too much trouble from the po-lease even if they had spotted us.

For more information on 350 click here: http://www.350.org/

 Or to access getup.org.au's information on how to be involved locally click here:

http://www.getup.org.au/community/gettogethers/series.php?id=27

And remember, every time you read the twilight series or the vampire diaries, Ronald Macdonald sets a tree on fire and kills a panda.

 

VAMPIRES, ROCKSTARS, TWITTER AND MY BOOK (WHICH MENTIONS NONE OF THESE).

My debut novel, A Beginner's Guide to Dying in India, was released in America last week. Although it won't see release here in Australia until next month, I was obviously fairly excited to be a thrilling 683,960th on amazon.com's sales ranking. This means that there are exactly 683 959 books that are better promoted, better written or just better in general than mine. Titles currently outselling my book include: the brilliantly titled The Clique #8: Sealed with a Diss: A Clique Novel (Clique Series),

           
         

and Sarah: How a Hockey mum turned the Political Establishment upside down. Interesting side note, the original title for this book was Sarah Palin: the hockey mum who can 'practically see Russia from her house.'

Since my book has been released it's received the glowing personal recommendations  of old housemates the grates and randomly shown up at the top of a list of travel books in Japan.

 

Amazon.com describes it as 'Part comedy, part tragedy, part henna-drawn thriller peppered with romance and intrigue...a spiritual journey across the continents of the soul.' but there aren't any vampires, wizards, references to twitter or religious cults being investigated by dashing  yet  surprisingly inept cryptologists so I'm obviously out of touch with what the (mainstream) public wants.

Case in point: my original blurb for the book. My publisher rejected this on the grounds that 'It's not nice to insult your audience on the back cover.' Why not? Plenty of my readers will insult me I'm sure! I felt it deserved seeing the light of day, if only on the internet, enjoy:

So, you’ve picked up this book from the shelf of a bookstore or library or friend’s place and you are thinking to yourself: ‘perhaps this particular novel shall distract me from the dull drudgery of my life? Perhaps it contains the elements which I find desirous within a piece of literary fiction?’

As it so happens, this novel contains five of the following ten subjects, you are free to select which of these you hope it contains and then peruse its contents to see if you are correct. For those of you who elect to continue, welcome aboard. It’s going to be a hell of a ride. To those who are about to return this book to the shelf or hurl it away in disgust, perhaps you’d be better off with a Jackie Collins novel? You obviously have terrible taste.

 A Beginner’s Guide to Dying in India may contain traces of:

1 Black humour

2 Philosophical discourse

3 Excessive references to Ricky Ponting

4 Travel

5 The threat of international terrorism!

6 Revenge

7 Car chases

8 Explosions!!!!

9 Politics

10 Love conquering against all odds (followed by making out in the parking lot)

 In addition to being a source of literary entertainment, A Beginner’s Guide to Dying in India may also be employed as a highly effective paperweight, moderately effective source of kindling or rather ineffective weapon in hand to hand combat.

If you want to buy the book to use for any of the above purposes you can get it from here: amazon.com and preview it online here: google books

 

If you prefer the anachronistically tangible experience of using your legs to enter a store and talking to a human to make your purchases then you can order it at any bookstore in Americaville or Canadatown. If you like the book and want to write a glowing review I would be eternally grateful. If you hate it please send all scathing literary criticism to my personal email address: dan.brown@doubledaybooks.com

 

SOUNDS OF SPRING REVIEW (simulcast from 4zzz)

You’d be forgiven for thinking that 2009’s Sounds of Spring was a government conspiracy to lure all the violent bogans in Brisbane into one concentrated area for scientific observation. Whilst shirtless, ass-grabbing, beer can-hurling jerks are an unfortunate certainty at just about any festival, today it seems like they constitute the vast majority of the crowd, by way of illustration:

Astronomy class

One of many elefant traks artists on the S.O.S. bill. Astronomy Class deliver a solid, high energy set. Bass lines from here ‘til new year underpin fluid flows and rapid rhymes. This is a group that obviously loves what they do and they crowd responds enthusiastically. Although, just quietly, most of the people in the tent appear so blitzed that you could just place one of those toy monkeys with a cymbal and a motorised disco ball in front of them and tell them it was the chemical brothers and they’d be happy.

Hermitude

Another elefant traks act, this is a duo that not only takes the cake, but remixes it into a delicious funk and hash laced truffle. This is top level instrumental hip-hop. Fuzzed up, dubbed out, spliced up beats and scratches all cut up with the samples that matches. It’s not every day you see a group that can seamlessly blend dubstep, dancehall, salsa and aussie hip-hop all within the time it takes to prepare a pack of maggi noodles. Hermitude pull out some crowd pleasing scratch technique and keytar solos that leave an already ecstatic crowd nearly catatonic with glee.

The Fauves

Stalwarts of the underground rock scene (I was going to say indie, but that word has been inconveniently re-appropriated) the Fauves are a solidly entertaining act. Bouncy basslines form the backdrop to some very catchy melodies and hilariously self-effacing banter; both in lyrics and between songs. If you want to quit your job, start dating a girl who works in a comic book/record store and start a band then this is the perfect soundtrack for your misadventures.

 

British India

Obviously a band that is well suited a festival crowd, British India tear straight into a riotous set that has punters singing along at the top of their soon to be dust-encumbered lungs. The radio singles are the obvious highlights; ‘run the red light’ in particular is well received. The band don’t waste a lot of time with banter, but make use of the ol’ live version breakdown/build up and give the crowd more they want in spades. A mid set power cut only serves to enamour punters even more when the amps click back on. The band rip through a selection of old and new material, before departing to thunderous applause.

The Panics

The WA based 5 piece draw their material tonight almost entirely from the excellent ‘Cruel Guards’ record. Making their way through the uplifting JJJ favourite ‘Don’t fight it,’ the majestic ‘Get us home’ and the sombre but enchanting title track of their recent album. ‘Ruins’ would have been a set highlight for me, if not for the couple who instead on furiously macking in front of me. Just a note to you two lovebirds: singing along to a song where the lead vocal hook is: “I don’t know what we’ll become / I just know that I’m not the one / Yeah I know that I’m not the one.” with absolutely no trace of irony whilst staring sickeningly into each other’s eyes may have been hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic.

Little Birdy

Fellow Perth pop-rockers (what the hell do you call people from Perth? Help me wikipedia help me!) Little Birdy take the stage next, opening with catchier than syphilis-on-a-convict-ship single ‘come on, come on.’ A black and white clad Katy Steele leads the band through a wide selection of material old and new including ‘Relapse,’ ‘Beautiful to me’ and other helium voice drenched pop melodies. The songs form a strangely sweet sonic backdrop to the arrival of a dust storm that makes the sky resemble the set of Apocalypse now.

The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly effect deliver everything you’d expect and then some, their set is a sonic wall loud guitars paired with Clint’s distinctive melodic roar backed by a solid rhythm section. No strangers to the festival stage, the Brissie quartet have the crowd in the palms of their sweaty hands. Regardless, all I can think whenever I see this band’s name is how pissed off they must have been when that 2004 Ashton Kutcher movie came out.

Unfortunately at this point I was forced to depart due to the least rock and roll end to an evening possible: severe and heinous reaction to tiny dust particles that caused my brain to feel as though it had been invaded by two morris dancing elephants. I’ll make up for it by getting into a fight with a bouncer Lady Sovereign style next weekend, I promise.

 

 

NEW DAN BROWN NOVEL LEAKED ON THE INTERNET!

With less than one week until the highly anticipated release of Dan Brown’s new ‘novel’, millions of ‘readers’ around the world are bursting with expectation. The novel is a sequel to the Da Vinci code, which has been hailed as a publishing phenomenon and was the bestselling adult hardback of all time. (Editor’s note: this is the most watched TV show of all time.) 

The release of the Lost Symbol has been shrouded in secrecy. Reportedly only a hand-picked elite have been permitted to read the manuscript in full. Brown’s publicist has been secretive and mysterious, enticing slavering fans with such elusive comments as: “More of the same really. You know, mysteries and shit. Hey! Amigo! I said I want that jag BUFFED comprende?” And “You know the Da Vinci Code? Yeah, it’s like that, but different and junk. Who do I have to stab to get a latte in here?”

Currently the Lost Symbol website displays a mysterious countdown timer. By odd coincidence, many savvy conspiracy freaks have noted the books release date coincides exactly with the expected time of their own death. Recently, an unknown source leaked a digital copy of the manuscript that found its way onto file sharing sites. The response was immediate:

Marilyn Prior, a 33 year old accountant from Philadelphia was thrilled to get her hands on the new book.

“Yeah, I started reading and it was like, I didn’t even need to think, the words just went into my brain without me having to think about them at all. It was like, pretty good and stuff. I dunno I fell asleep after the first few pages though. Might wait for the audiobook.”

James Harndofer, an amateur wrestler from Brisbane stated:

“It was the darndest thing. I just started reading the first page, where a man of notable profession is mysteriously killed. You know, like in the Da Vinci Code. And also Angels and Demons. Actually, its kind of the same beginning as Deception Point come to think of it. Anyway, I’m getting into this Langdon guy and all of a sudden I just started puking like I’d eaten half a pound of rotten flesh. I mean, I was really hurling, a complete exorcist style projectile purge. One minute I’m engrossed in this charmingly predictable middle-brow narrative, and the next I’m blowing chunks. Weird.”

 

James Sampson, a 29-year-old elbow model  from London said:

“I dunno, it was like, it had words and everything. I started reading but then remembered that I should probably check my email. I updated my facebook, myspace and twitter status to say: Reading teh new Dan Brown ZOMG! And then I got all these replies and they were like OMFG! Wots it like? And I was like have you read the Da Vinci Code? It’s basically like that, but different.”

The question on everyone’s lips is ‘will this book exceed the exhilarating mediocrity of the Da Vinci code? Can it ascend to those same dizzying heights of awkwardly worded sentence construction and cliché riddled narrative? We, and Dan Brown’s publishers, can only hope.

HOUSEMATE WANTED (OR: would you live here?)

Oh hi. How are you? Reading the noticeboard huh? That’s nice, see anything good? Hey listen if you’re looking for a room then you could come and stay with us. No, seriously. For just $120 a week you could live at our place.

It’s a really nice house, I mean, it’s not like a mansion or anything. But only jerks live in those things anyway right? If houses were people, then a mansion would be like Jessica Simpson and our place would be like Cate Blanchette. Ok, well maybe not quite that cultured and refined, and it could do with a lick of paint. Perhaps our house would be like Cate Blanchette in ten years time, after she’s had a couple of stiff drinks.

BACKYARD SIZE =         +   

                                                    x2

In layman’s terms it’s a 2 storey, 4 bedroom Queenslander with front and back decks and a backyard large enough for two elephants to play a game of badminton. It’s got three bathrooms and a huge oven that people who actually know how to cook tell me is amazing. It’s the kind of place that real estate agents would describe as ‘charming’ ‘gorgeous’ and ‘I wish the owners would sell this house so we could tear it down and subdivide.’

Josh wrote this.

As for its inhabitants; Dave works in IT, but don’t start picturing sunlight fearing geek clichés. He’s about as nerdy as Kyle Sandilands is tactful or talented. He has a hot girlfriend and he climbs up the side of mountains all the time with his bare hands just for fun. As for Josh, well, not only did he write this advertisement that is currently inspiring feelings of amusement, terror or confusion (possibly all at once), but he’s even a real life author. Yeah, seriously, he writes those weird words on paper things that people used to read before they invented movies and the internet. 

In conclusion:

room for rent in a 2 storey Queenslander

$120 per week

Waterworks road, Ashgrove

jmdonellan@gmail.com

                      

                                                   

PS animals are probably ok. I mean, if you have a little dog or something it probably won’t be an issue. If you show up with an ocelot or a north Canadian moose that might be a different story.

PEOPLE (AND OBJECTS) I WOULD RATHER BE THAN DAN BROWN

Often when I mention to people that I am a writer, their eyes light up and they say :

"Oh! So you’re going to be the next Dan Brown!" Here, for the record, is a list of people and objects that I would RATHER be than the aforementioned ‘writer.’

THE MOULDY STRAWBERRY IN MY REFRIGERATOR

Sure, this little bugger has missed his moment. There was a time when it could have brought both joy and sustenance, whereas now he will be relegated to the refuse, along with all my mail marked 'payment due immediately'. But at least this strawberry once HAD this potential. 

 

     

Once, like its brethren that are still in passable shape, it could have been enjoyed with ice-cream on a warm summer’s afternoon, or as part of a delectable fruit salad, or even in isolation as a light and tasty snack. The same cannot be said of The Davinci Code. I mean, have you tried eating that thing? It has an awful texture and a taste so potently bland that it makes the interior content look positively sumptuous in comparison.

THE MOP BOY AT THE PEEP SHOW IN THE VALLEY

This has long been regarded as the most notoriously foul job that a human being could ever attain. Sometimes I wonder what he tells his parents he does for a ‘living’? “Yeah mum, work at the office is going great. Lots of mergers, and…um…acquisitions, closers and…hang on I think that’s work calling. Oh, shit. I gotta go. There’s been an unexpected liquidation.”

That said, he probably gets to look at naked girls all day. So there is that. And any trauma that the poor fellow has endured cannot possibly compare with the guilt of sullying the minds of millions with pedestrian dialogue and a plot structure so contrived it could have been written by the scripting team of Saved by the Bell. Which brings us conveniently to:

SCREECH

Saved By the Bell wrapped up in 1993, to be followed by Saved By the Bell: the College Years, to which Screech returned, after knocking back offers from Scorsese, Spielberg and Tarantino. His real name is Dustin Diamond, as if you even care.

    

                At first I was like                             But then I was all           

Screech didn’t return for the cast’s recent 20 year reunion. Whether this was because he wasn’t invited or because he was busy researching the potential implications of the Copenhagen Interpretation in relation to the dynamics of subatomic particles in a closed environment paradigm I couldn’t say. All I know is I would rather be this weird looking guy that I will forever associate with canned laughter and bowls of fruity loops than the hack who penned Digital Fortress.

THAT CREEPY GUY WHO LIVES ACROSS THE ROAD

Sure we’ve had our differences (as detailed here) but no matter how much that surly, chain-smoking and mostly likely sociopathic creep terrifies me, he will never, ever harm me so much as the fateful moment when I walked into an Angus and Robertson bookstore in 2005. There, in the #1 slot of the ‘Top 100 Books of all time', was the Da Vinci Code. Next to that vast selection of literary genius, Dan Brown’s pulpy thriller looked much like an overweight, drug addled cross-dresser in the line up for Miss Universe auditions.

 

one of these things is not like the other...

The greatest books of ALL TIME people. That means more than the last five years. Come on, To Kill a Mocking Bird? 1984? Have you people ever even been inside a library? And no, being inside a librarian does not count. Much to my relief, when the list was updated last year, there was wasn’t a single Dan Brown entry in the WHOLE LIST.

This means that either:

1 People either repressed all memory of his books to the bitter depths of their unconscious, to dwell with their memories of having their eyebrows shaved at year eight camp and that time that their cousin made a pass at them after a few too many Jager shots.

 OR

2 The whole thing was just a terrible dream. Like the Bush administration.

Coincidentally, in 2008 a certain bespectacled wizard took the top spot.

With Twilight at #2. Yay?

INTELLECTUAL CELEBRITY GOSSIP FILE: RICHARD DAWKINS + JESSICA SIMPSON

Well now, Richard Dawkins has become a real A-list of late, ever since his massive success with the god delusion he’s been seen partying at the Viper Room with Lindsay Lohan, Yasmine Bleeth and Robert Downey Jr. Friends say he’s been hitting the ‘party powder’ a little too hard, but the real news is the recent announcement that he’s dating Jessica Simpson.

 

The doe eyed couple have been spotted at several A-list venues,holding hands, discussing the political and sociological benefits of a secularised society, and giggling. While they haven’t been shy in front of the cameras, they also haven’t been too public about their relationship. A close friend had this to say:

 

comment taken from a friend during her recent publicity shoot.

“Well, you know, those two kids are just taking it easy. They really get along, but obviously the issue of religion is a big one, I mean, like, just the other day Richard was saying: ‘Sugarcheeks, do you not think it imbecilic to invest faith in an invisible, intangible deity whose supposed existence has negatively influenced the various strata of society for millennia?’ and then she was all like: ‘Baby, the expression of a belief in an intangible deity is not the cause of the behaviour of isolated extremists okay? It’s just, like, how those particular individuals manifest their own violent insecurities behind a flagship. Now what movie should we see Hannah Montana or Transformers 2?”

 

Rumour has it that Dawkins and Simpson eventually agreed on Transformers 2, but only on the proviso that they got popcorn AND choc tops.

Some celebrity experts have even suggested that wedding bells may not be too far off, but the pair are coy about this, Simpson has commented:

“Well, if we were talking about it, and I’m not saying that we are, but if we were, then obviously Richie wouldn’t want to have it in a church, so we might compromise and go somewhere with the illusion of spirituality that is actually completely soulless, like a scientology chapel.”

A BOOK. ITS COVER.

They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but lets face it, for most people their only other option is Oprah. Lord only knows the chances of me getting my book on that show are about as good as North Korea hosting the next Olympic games. 

 

This would never happen. And if it did I wouldn't be wearing a dress. Although that necklace is quite fetching.

When my designer, the lovely, talented and quite possibly magical Alex Naghavi delivered this to my inbox I was very excited to say the very least. I’ve been referring to my book as my ‘art baby’ and I suppose this would be like my art baby’s first outfit. Or possibly its skin. Imagine if you could choose the colour of your baby’s skin? I know what you’re thinking: ‘What is he some kind of RACIST?’ but I’m not just talking about the limited palette genetics has equipped us with, a rather lacklustre selection of browns, pinks and yellows (or, in my case, ‘fear-of-sun-blanc’.) What I mean is; what if your skin could be smurf-blue, crimson-red, or one-too-many-chartreuse shots green? If I could have my skin tailor designed, I’d probably get Alex Naghavi to do that too.

 

Also, I haven’t updated this thing since Michael Jackson was still a living breathing human (or at least a vaguely acceptable facsimile.) I’ve been busy preparing book promo stuff, and also somehow managed to write a kids novel called ‘Zeb and the Great Ruckus.’ Here’s a preview  concept sketch from the illustrator Alex Litherland. Maybe I should have an all Alex collaboration policy? I wonder if the anti-discrimination tribunal has any legislation in this area?

 

In the time since my last entry I’ve jotted down the following ideas for ridiculous articles. Tell me which one I should write and I’ll do it JUST FOR YOU. Because I love you so much.

 

How to Speed Date (on speed).

 

Intellectual Celebrity Gossip File: Richard Dawkins.

 

Winnie the Pooh is Pro-Alcohol Propaganda.

Until next time, do what you feel, feel what you do and for the love of god read anything except the twilight series.

 

ULTIMATE COLLABORATIONS

Recently I had the pleasure of being smacked in the face by the film RIP: a remix manifesto. I’ll leave you to investigate, remix and otherwise alter this film on your own, but it got me thinking about the nature and merits of collaboration. Have you ever been asked: ‘who would be in your ultimate band, dead or alive?’ I think the best response to this question I’ve ever received came from my cover designer, Alex, who simply replied: "Prince. ON EVERYTHING."

The formula for this is displayed below:

+  + + = ULTIMATE BAND

I’ve expanded my thinking on this subject to include politics, philosophy and art. I present to you: ULTIMATE COLLABORATIONS!

Barrack Obama / Superman

Barrack Obama, not yet 6 months into his presidency, has already been hailed as the great white…er…black, hope. You only need to turn on the TV to see the radical reforms he has already made in the realms of international relations, human rights, financial and environmental policy. Barrack Obama is an amazing human. But the problem is he is ONLY human. Superman, as a near-invincible kryptonian could easily handle all the laser from eyes ass kicking and thus leave Mr. Obama to be the brains of the operation and turn his attention to saving the world in the political realm. As a sidenote: check out the conservapedia (extreme right wing biased version of wikipedia) entry on Obama.  And you thought Fox news was bad…

Chomsky / Dangermouse
&

Chomsky is a genius. That’s not just my opinion, the man has been named by many as one of the greatest and most important thinkers of our age. He’s also one of the most cited authors in history. The problem? Chomsky is a philosopher, linguist and political activist who writes books and gives lectures. Which is fine, if you are an academic, but his message ideally needs to affect people at all levels of society. People who don’t read anything except tabloids or perhaps ‘the funnies’ in the weekend paper. The solution? Dangermouse. Indubitably one of the greatest producers/collaborators of the last twenty years. Get the ol mouse to cut up and freak some beats to underpin Chomsky’s brilliant diatribe and ‘leak’ it onto the internet, and kids all over the world will be rocking out on their ipods and ‘dropping knowledge’ bout the dangers of hegemony and the merits of anarcho-syndicalism in no time flat.

Banksy / Gundam
  &

Banksy. The man. The artist. The legend. An anonymous genius, Banksy has pulled every art stunt in the book, then written new books on art stunts, then torn up those books and collaged them into new books on how to pull art stunts. He makes the kind of art that isn’t just admired by Dom Perignon swilling aristocrats, but that has lower class English kids hailing him as ‘like batman, but better.’ Banksy is a one-man art army. But that’s still only one man. What this guy needs is a robotic upgrade in the form of Gundam. This would enable him to whisk around the night time streets at lightning speeds and use massive amounts of robotic super strength to achieve even more incredible feats of guerrilla art genius. Perhaps he could remix parliament house to look like an Egyptian pyramid? HINT

Mother Jones / Tom Morello

  & 

Mother Jones is one of personal heroes on any number of levels. I first learnt of her through the song ‘Most Dangerous Woman in America’ by Ani Difranco / Utah Phillips (another great collab record). Mother Jones, at the age of 83, single-handedly organised a protest against the Rockefeller Militia in order to allow miners fair working conditions. Theodore Roosevelt called her the most dangerous woman in America. Now, Rage Against the Machine have made a significant impact on the western consciousness in terms of alerting young people to political errors. But can you imagine pairing the guitar genius of Morello with a woman with enough grit and gristle to give the richest family in the world a solid thrashing at an age when most people can barely manage regular bowel movements? The powers that be would be shaking in their overpriced, made-in-china-by-ten-year-old-children shoes.