Hello the Internet.
How are you today? I hope Charlie Sheen hasn't been keeping you too busy. I just thought I'd use my blog to yell into the digital universe and let you know that I'd entered this competition where you have to make a story about three objects for sale.
The items this week were:
Which was strangely convenient as I acutally did have a shetland pony, surfboard and jetski to sell, so I simply told the truth, which is as follows:
Dear person and/or spambot. Thankyou for choosing to view my items instead of the many other interesting things on the internet, such as blogs devoted to things that look like cats and cats that look like things.
For sale is my pride and joy, Franz the Shetland pony. He is the reincarnation of Franz Ferdinand (the historical figure, not the band, whom he hates. Please refrain from playing their music or he may fly into a fit of violent pony rage.)
It is with great regret that I must sell my beloved Franz because my old landlord died in a mysterious pogo stick accident and my new landlord has a bizarre and very specific allergy to Shetland ponies who are the reincarnations of famous historical figures.
I am also selling Franz's jetski and surfboard, which would only remind me of him and thus produce salty discharge in my eyeholes.
You can and also should vote for my entry here.
Ironically the grand prize of $10 000 is substantially larger than many major literary awards. Perhaps my time would be better vested in writing 150 word creative entries for competitions than 100 000 word novels for actual humans. That would leave me time to pursue my true passion; arranging and photographing paper clip collections.
In other news, the 100 stories for QLD anthology featuring my story STUNT KITE has been delayed but should be out any day now, and I will be recording more lines for the pocket hipster tomorrow.
What have you been up to?
(Just kidding, I don't actually care. I was just trying to be polite.)
