what rhymes with chaos?

R.I.P. Rave

As a teenage music nerd, my bedroom walls were perennially populated by posters featuring various scowling dudes with guitars looking down on me lying on my bed losing myself in my headphones whilst devouring Rave magazine. Growing up I always thought that being a music writer would be the most inconceivably, unbelievably, incontrovertibly cool job imaginable. Years later, I moved into my first Brisbane sharehouse with two wonderful girls, one of whom was just starting to pick up speed as the lead singer of now superstar act the Grates. Her then boyfriend wrote for another local music mag, and it occurred to me for the first time that music writers were actual people who existed in the real world and breathed and ate and drew on the fridge and used the bathroom when you really, really needed it. 

It wasn't until late last year, when I'd accomplished the infinitely more arduous task of having my first novel published that I got around to signing up with Rave. In the short time since then I've reviewed countless gigs and albums and squeezed in just a handful of interviews. As a writer, it's been a fun challenge to pump out tiny bite sized non-fiction pieces at a high rate of frequency, as opposed to my primary concern of churning out massive 80 - 100k word fictional behemoths every few years (if that.)

    

I was devastated when I received news that Rave was shutting down, and not only because of the fact that I will now have to start PAYING for gigs like a total loser. Rave provided valuable exposure for local bands and artists, great opportunities for local writers and photographers and, perhaps most importantly, was an entirely independent operation. Independent media is important; the beauty of working for Rave was that we didn't have to serve anyone's agenda. My editors would occasionally ask me to change a few things here and there, but this was more for content quality than because we were beholden to some corporate giant with vested interests (just look at the whole Rinehart/fairfax debacle at present). Clearly music journalism is nowhere near as important as political journalism, but journalistic integrity is of fundamental importance in terms of filtering what and how information reaching the masses and and we are currently seeing a dangerous erosion of its values which the loss of important independent media sources will only exacerbate. Thank Christ operations like New Matilda and The Conversation are still afloat.

    

Here are a few highlights from my time with Rave; bands I would never have otherwise heard of, concerts I might never have gone to, interviews with amazing people I would otherwise have never met. Thanks to all the wonderful writers, editors and photographs and bands that I've worked with. This city is filled to the absolute bursting point with obscenely gifted artists and it's been an absolute blast working with a team dedicated to celebrating this this talent. See you at a gig sometime!

INTERVIEW with Jo Nesbo

GIGS 

Cut chemist

Bright Eyes

2011 Poetry Slam

Ball Park Music

ALBUMS

WILLIS EARL BEAL - acousmatic sorcery

 

BIG DEAL - Lights Out

 

STEVE SMYTH - self-titled

 

People often ask me: "What is the worst album you've ever reviewed?" Here is the answer.

 

Amazingly, appallingly, astoundingly terrible The cover of Tenacious D’s Rize Of The Fenix (and yes, that is how it’s spelt) features a picture of a penis stylized into the form of a phoenix with flaming wings. If you’re thinking ‘well, that sure as heck doesn’t bode well…’ then you can tell where I’m going with this. It’s honestly almost impressive how terrible this album is. And yes, it’s supposed to be a comedy album, but that’s the other problem. It just isn’t funny. There’s toilet humour galore, which would be fine if the jokes landed once every 20 minutes or so, but the truth is that the whole thing’s about as funny as the Armenian genocide. Even the dialogue interludes are appalling. They sound like a couple of stoned middle-aged men trying to re-enact scenes from Saturday Night Live. The whole shtick of having Tenacious D almost exclusively write songs about what it’s like to be in Tenacious D was entertaining enough on the first album, but on album #3 they are really just flogging a dead horse. And then kicking it. And then piling beer cans on top of its rotting corpse. To top it all off, album closer 39, which basically spends 317 seconds mocking women for being beholden to the passage of time, sounds as though it’s been written with the specific intent of pissing off feminist groups. This album gets one star for the sole fact that it features Dave Grohl on drums. *

orginal Rave article here 

If loving you is wrong, I'd like to be partially incorrect.

This week, I'm going to give you some advice on romance. Now, I know what you're thinking. It's either A) How did I end up at this page when I was looking for videos of cats playing keyboards??? or B) Why on earth would J. M. Donellan be qualified to give relationship advice? He seems to just post about getting dumped all the time. 

 

I have no answer for A) but in regards to B) I'm hardly going to be the first amateur to deign to impart ill-founded advice. I mean, the Situation wrote a fucking book with advice on dating, I'm pretty goddamn sure I'm more qualified than he is. Not least because of the fact that I realise that a book should consist of more than just 133 pages of narcissistic, misogynistic ranting. And fashion tips. 

Sure, love can be a beautiful thing. But let's face it there are plenty of times when it can also be gross, stupid, frustrating, painful and sometimes, just really fucking inconvenient. Maybe they're your housemate. Perhaps you just have the wrong anatomy for their romantic preferences. Or they just said the sentence "I don't know who David Bowie is." Maybe they're dating your best friend and the three of you hang out all the time and once in a while you'll all have a little too much to drink and he/she will suggest you all head into the bedroom together and by the time you realise they were only joking you're already half undressed and then you have to pretend like you were only joking too but they both know you weren't and it gets super awkward and even worse they've seen they embarrassing tattoo that you keen meaning to get removed...

Whatever the case. There are times when being in love in just a terrible idea, so here are my strategies to help you not love someone.

 1 IMAGINE THEM AS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE POLITICIAN

Simple but effective. If the politician in question is ugly and/or the wrong gender for your preferences, even better. Just imagine someone who really sums up everything that's wrong with politics and modern society in general, someone like, oh I don't know...

2 DEVELOP A NEGATIVE PAVLOVIAN REACTION 

"Jenny? Oh no, I'm WAY over her. She smells like transmutational butterfly larvae."

Sounds weird, I know, but weirder than tying all your hopes, dreams and happiness to one single human being who is just going to end up decomposing in the ground some day? I think not. Keep a packet of something disgusting in your pocket, like canned chrysalises for instance. Every time you see or think about your soon-to-be-not-loved one, shove something putrid into your facehole. Once you associate the object of your desire with squirming, crunchy larvae, IT'S BYE BYE ROMANCE!

3 INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR PARENTS

I know this is often what people do when a relationship is going WELL, but this is primarily due to the fact that people are idiots. By the time dear old dad asks them for the sixth time if they got that nose ring because they were hoping to more closely resemble a swine or just to antagonise their deadbeat parents you'll know that all hopes of a happy, successful relationship are dead in the water.

4 THINK ABOUT THE LAST TIME YOU BROKE UP WITH SOMEONE

"Oh god! I can't do crosswords anymore! She used to use words like, all the time! Sometimes in sentences, or paragraphs even! It was our special thing..."

Bear in mind all relationships end, the only variables are when and how badly. Just try and picture that last time, when you listened to the 3 Smith Kings of Misery (Elliott Smith, The Smiths and Robert Smith) on repeat and lived on a daily intake of three bottles of cheap red wine and a family sized block of cadbury chocolate. Actually that last bit doesn't sound too bad, but then there was the bawling over summertime photos, the dividing of possessions, the places, songs, books and movies that were forever ruined. Yeah, that's right. You've got all of THAT to look forward to. Maybe in three months time, maybe three years, maybe three decades but whatever the case we all know that breaking up with someone feels like having your heart torn out of your chest, ripped in half, spat on, then forcibly reinserted via your colon.

So there you have it. Next time you start falling in love and it's going to be the worst idea ever you can thank me for reminding you that's it's the worst idea ever. Send me a thank you email. Maybe with a photo attached. Perhaps a facebook friend request.

Are you single?

 

Cut Chemist @ BNE Hi Fi reviewed for Rave magazine

After the debacle surrounding D12’s non-appearances at the disastrous Heatwave festival it would seem that American hip hop acts are starting to garner a reputation as being unreliable. Continuing this trend, tonight’s opening time has been shifted back an hour and there seems to be a great deal of confusion as to what time the performers are actually hitting the stage. Nevertheless, once local wunderkind Sampology starts warming up the crowd everyone seems indifferent to the confusion and ready to shake that which their matriarchal progenitors gave them and raise their hands in an upwardly fashion like they just don’t have a particular preference on the issue. After a brief intermission, Cut Chemist strides onto stage along with accompanying VJ and launches into a rap mash-up intercut with bizarre psychedelic visuals. All of this occurs behind a slew of turntables, loop pedals and MPCs that has gearheads drooling in awe. The crowd tonight is lively and enthusiastic, but surprisingly sparse for such a renowned international act. The benefit of this is that the dance floor actually has some space to move, meaning no one has to resort to the all too familiar arms-up-head-nod-shuffle-dance that has to be regularly employed at packed hip hop shows. Cut Chemist’s set tonight mixes classic hip hop joints like Sound Of The Police with music from Colombia and Brazil interspersed with classic J5 tracks and of course selections from his forthcoming album. During all of this he uses a variety of cameras to zoom in on his various feats of technical wizardry ranging from his trademark virtuoso cutting to mixing whilst operating loops via foot pedal to his fingers dancing over the MPC. Chemist is clearly a man who loves what he does and does it better than almost anyone else. Between samples he air guitars, pantomimes and lip-syncs in a manner that manages to be both adorably goofy and, when interspersed with prodigiously expert scratching, pretty damn incredible.

 

Exit Stage Zed


If you'd like to listen to my voice as well as read my words (although I'm not sure why you would, I have to listen to my voice all the time and it's pretty damn annoying.) You can check out the new show I'm doing on 4zzz with Darragh and Jodi. Exit Stage Zed runs from 4-6pm every Saturday. We'll be focusing on playing live recordings and music from bands gigging around town each week. 

You can check out our 4zzz page here facebook here and twitter here.

Hit us up on the facebook page if you have any suggestions for live albums to play or if you want to throw us demos and such. Also 4zzz is running a drive to raise money for a new transmitter and you should probably donate between nine and ten million dollars.

Regurgitator superhappyxmasfuntimes @ the Zoo reviewed for rave magazine

original article HERE

 

Photo: David Burness

Regurgitator’s idiosyncratically titled SuperHappyFunTimes celebration kicks off with local group Cannons. The punk rock five-piece appear to be playing music that is intended to be a joke that regrettably isn’t very funny. Their songs are short, fast, loud and yet somehow still manage to be dreary and monotonous.

Fortunately, second act Ouch My Face manage to lift the standard dramatically from the moment they step on stage. Pint-sized singer-guitarist Celeste Potter packs an impressive size-to-attitude-ratio and commands the stage with a series of screamed vocals and angry chords. Meanwhile the rhythm section (featuring recent recruit Ben Ely on bass) holds down a tight, driving backbeat and occasional gang vocals. Their music sounds like a grenade going off in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory; violent, chaotic and delicious.

After a brief interlude, tonight’s hosts Regurgitator step up onto a stage that they have graced countless times before. They launch straight into Blood And Spunk and then proceed to tear through a retrospective of their extensive back catalogue ranging from Tu-Plang’s I Sucked A Lot Of Cock To Get Where I Am to No Show from their recent release SuperHappyFunTimes. Tonight’s crowd is clearly comprised of long-term fans that are delighted to be able to singalong to Polyester Girl, bounce to Drop and do their best imitation of Animal from the Muppets during I Wanna Be A Nudist. Tonight’s set highlights the Gurge’s freakishly varied output, taking in everything from tongue-in-cheek hip hop to dirty punk to tongue-in-cheek synth pop and everything in between, above, underneath and slightly over to the left hand side.

The band finish up with an encore set showcasing Black Bugs and The Song Formerly Known As from their classic LP Unit, reminding us all exactly why it was recently voted one of the best Australian albums of all time.

 

 

Chali 2na at the BNE hifi reviewed for Rave magazine

original article HERE.

 

Criminally underrated local act Coalition Crew are the first of four obscenely impressive lists of performers representing three different continents this evening. They deliver a solid set of tight, clever rhymes over golden era-influenced beats and bass.

Bankrupt Billionaires, a recent addition to the local scene, are next up on stage. Their soulful hip hop-influenced sounds pack a hell of a punch. Lead singer Kel Timmons has enough sass and swagger to power a small island nation, and with a little help from Laneous and Hannah Macklin, tonight the Billionaires make a real impact. Recent Triple J unearthed single Daze Of The Dead is a highlight, but their whole show is pretty much start to finish flawless.

Lotek swaggers onto stage suited and booted and backed by Rudekat Sound. By this time the whole evening feels more like an Island Vibes sampler rather than an international headliner show with a few supports. The entire assembly of the Hi-Fi, from the front of the stage to the back of the bar, is dancing and shaking like the world is about to end. Lotek’s ska/funk/soul/reggae-influenced hip hop goes down a treat, with songs like The Rudest Dude and Paid working up plenty of crowd participation.

 

 

Chali 2na and his band take the stage a little after 11pm, greeted by a crowd that is soaked in sweat and booze and smiles. His set tonight is framed around the idea of ‘Chali 2na radio’, featuring selections from his solo work and Jurassic 5 interpolated with a bizarrely diverse selection of medley covers. Classic cuts like What’s Golden? and Freedom are satisfyingly brilliant, even without the rest of J5 in tow. The backing band tonight is phenomenal, the keyboardist/vocalist showcasing an impressive falsetto and the seven-string (yes, that’s right SEVEN) bassist really brings the house down. 2na certainly knows a thing or two about crowd participation and has the audience doing everything from clapping to introducing themselves to strangers to playing Simon Says (which turns out to be incredibly fun when played with several hundred people and a live hip hop band). The one problem with the two-hour-long ‘radio show’ format is that it leans a little towards the self-indulgent side, mixing in sections from Rock Lobster and playing a huge selection of little known songs detracts from what could otherwise be a near perfect shorter set. That said, however, when you see a guy crowd surfing in a wheelchair, you know something good is going on.

Bright Eyes @ the BNE Hifi reviewed for Rave magazine

 

Just a quick sidenote: If any crazed stalker fan wanted to murder Connor Oberst, it would be really hilarious to creep up behind him and sing the line "turn around bright eyes..." from this song before getting all Charlie Manson. Original article HERE.

The Hi-Fi - Thu Nov 17 Darren Hanlon’s story songs, presented here in simple format with just guitar and drums, are an excellent start to the evening. Kevin Devine, a surprise last-minute addition to the bill, launches into 30 minutes of captivating songs that are delivered in everything from a whisper to a primal scream and leaves the surprised crowd spellbound. Connor Oberst and the accompanying six musicians that compromise the Bright Eyes cohort walk on to rapturous applause and launch straight into Four Winds. Oberst and co. present the bulk of the songs tonight in a majestic, almost gospel format, playing a slew of their better-known tracks and a few hidden gems across a massive two and a half hour set. The band gives the impression that they are having a brilliant time on stage (with the exception of the keyboardist who looks about as thrilled as a hung-over misanthrope filling out a tax return). Their performance is somewhat grandiloquent, Oberst at times getting his Bono on and reaching out to the hands of the adoring crowd, but this has never been a band to do things by halves. They close with an epic rendition of Road To Joy and an almost religious performance of One For You, One For Me.

They Will Have Their Way BNE review for rave magazine

view and comment on the original article HERE.

Photo: Rebecca Reid QPAC – Mon Nov 7   A well-dressed, predominantly middle-aged crowd takes their seats facing the massive stage backdrop of intertwined red and blue trees that looms over two drum-kits and an extensive array of instruments. Sally Seltmann opens with a haunting, loop-driven rendition of Four Seasons In One Day. Lior steps up next for Into Temptation before Clare Bowditch strides on stage to make the first use of the complete backing band tonight (two drummers, guitar, bass, keyboards). The singers who make up Seeker Lover Keeper then join her for a breath-taking interpretation of Fall At Your Feet. When you’re singing with Sarah Blasko, Holly Throsby and Sally Seltmann on back-up vocals, you know you must be doing something right. Throughout the evening the performers seem to be absolutely reveling in the chance to be performing these timeless songs with such an incredible cast. There are a handful of by-the-book covers (like Lior’s pedestrian performance of Mean To Me) that don’t really cause much of a stir. But the real joy tonight is seeing Neil and Tim Finn’s body of work re-imagined by such incredible talent. Alexander Gow delivers an excellent rendering of I Feel Possessed, Blasko’s self-described ‘Tom Waits-y’ version of My Mistake is pure mischievous genius and Bowditch’s leading of the crowd in a mass multi-part sing-along for Better Be Home Soon is an undeniable highlight. Paul Dempsey, however, is an absolute show stealer. He gives Chocolate Cake a solid workout and his frenzied version of I See Red sees him running off stage in front of the audience like a man possessed. The full cast, complete with a total of four guitars, two drums, a slew of tambourines and a sonic wealth of voices, concludes with It’s Only Natural and Weather With You before a standing ovation brings the evening to a close. JOSH DONELLAN

 

The String Bridge is a thing that you should acquire post-haste.

 

Dearest humans and computer literate apes of earth, I come with glad tidings! My friend and fellow 100 Stories for Queensland contributor, Jessica Bell, has just released her new book The String Bridge. Recent research indicates that acquiring this book will make you more attractive, intelligent and improve your bowling average by 23.5%.

The book is being released with a soundtrack written and performed by the author, which is pretty damn impressive if you ask me. You can get the soundtrack for FREE (my favourite price) if you purchase the book on November 11^th and email the receipt to jessica.carmen.bell(at) gmail(dot)com. I guess you could also just email her inspiring quotes, recipe ideas, and your top ten make out songs if you really wanted. Just don’t try adding her to any spam lists though because Jess is a poet and everyone knows poets are the toughest bastards around and she may just find a way to clip you over the ears via skype.  

 The String Bridge has received a bunch of rave reviews (by which I mean highly complimentary reviews, not people on pills listening to Underworld in brightly coloured clothing giving it the thumbs up) but you should read it yourself because you are smart enough to make your own opinion. 

You can get more info and check out Jess' blog here: http://thealliterativeallomorph.blogspot.com/ (she's pretty easy on the eyes, just quietly) and she has some great insights into the creative process. 

Alternatively, you could watch Zelda vs Ice Climbers.