what rhymes with chaos?

The String Bridge is a thing that you should acquire post-haste.

 

Dearest humans and computer literate apes of earth, I come with glad tidings! My friend and fellow 100 Stories for Queensland contributor, Jessica Bell, has just released her new book The String Bridge. Recent research indicates that acquiring this book will make you more attractive, intelligent and improve your bowling average by 23.5%.

The book is being released with a soundtrack written and performed by the author, which is pretty damn impressive if you ask me. You can get the soundtrack for FREE (my favourite price) if you purchase the book on November 11^th and email the receipt to jessica.carmen.bell(at) gmail(dot)com. I guess you could also just email her inspiring quotes, recipe ideas, and your top ten make out songs if you really wanted. Just don’t try adding her to any spam lists though because Jess is a poet and everyone knows poets are the toughest bastards around and she may just find a way to clip you over the ears via skype.  

 The String Bridge has received a bunch of rave reviews (by which I mean highly complimentary reviews, not people on pills listening to Underworld in brightly coloured clothing giving it the thumbs up) but you should read it yourself because you are smart enough to make your own opinion. 

You can get more info and check out Jess' blog here: http://thealliterativeallomorph.blogspot.com/ (she's pretty easy on the eyes, just quietly) and she has some great insights into the creative process. 

Alternatively, you could watch Zelda vs Ice Climbers.

 

Alliance of Best Smelling Authors

 

 

Due to mildly popular demand, I have now formed the official Alliance of Best Smelling Authors.

You can visit our facebook page HERE.

If you wish to be certified as a Best Smelling Author please post on the page with a description of why using words, interpretative dance, a 23 minute guitar solo or some sort of cake.

Swarm Regards,

JM Donellan

HOUSEMATE WANTED (OR: would you live here?)

Oh hi. How are you? Reading the noticeboard huh? That’s nice, see anything good? Hey listen if you’re looking for a room then you could come and stay with us. No, seriously. For just $120 a week you could live at our place.

It’s a really nice house, I mean, it’s not like a mansion or anything. But only jerks live in those things anyway right? If houses were people, then a mansion would be like Jessica Simpson and our place would be like Cate Blanchette. Ok, well maybe not quite that cultured and refined, and it could do with a lick of paint. Perhaps our house would be like Cate Blanchette in ten years time, after she’s had a couple of stiff drinks.

BACKYARD SIZE =         +   

                                                    x2

In layman’s terms it’s a 2 storey, 4 bedroom Queenslander with front and back decks and a backyard large enough for two elephants to play a game of badminton. It’s got three bathrooms and a huge oven that people who actually know how to cook tell me is amazing. It’s the kind of place that real estate agents would describe as ‘charming’ ‘gorgeous’ and ‘I wish the owners would sell this house so we could tear it down and subdivide.’

Josh wrote this.

As for its inhabitants; Dave works in IT, but don’t start picturing sunlight fearing geek clichés. He’s about as nerdy as Kyle Sandilands is tactful or talented. He has a hot girlfriend and he climbs up the side of mountains all the time with his bare hands just for fun. As for Josh, well, not only did he write this advertisement that is currently inspiring feelings of amusement, terror or confusion (possibly all at once), but he’s even a real life author. Yeah, seriously, he writes those weird words on paper things that people used to read before they invented movies and the internet. 

In conclusion:

room for rent in a 2 storey Queenslander

$120 per week

Waterworks road, Ashgrove

[email protected]

                      

                                                   

PS animals are probably ok. I mean, if you have a little dog or something it probably won’t be an issue. If you show up with an ocelot or a north Canadian moose that might be a different story.